Confessions of a Neurotic Newlywed

Like Sand Through An Hourglass...

2006-09-26T15:09:00.000-04:00

It is absolutely amazing how time manages to fly past you when you aren’t looking. My last post was in June and now, it is September. In the past few months work has picked up and my husband was out of town (Alaska again) and the annual fireman’s carnival took place. Busy, busy, busy. However I did get to play my favorite game at the carnival, one that never loses its appeal. It’s called “What the hell was she thinking?”. It always starts with a woman and usually revolves around her clothing choices for the evening but can include her choice of hair/makeup, boyfriend/husband, or lifestyle. The winner this year was heavily pregnant woman who was smoking. Like she hadn’t yet received the word from the medical community that this was bad for her unborn child. It is only written on every PACK OF CIGARETTES.

Dante's Missing Circle of Hell

2006-06-20T16:31:00.000-04:00

When did Disney World get so…..rednecky?

I saw two families where every single family member had a mullet. Every single one. Two complete families.

The every single park was covered in a layer of redneck goodness. And not normal redneck. Like hillybilly, deep south, marry your sister redneck. And I know redneck, I come from a long line of them (seriously, my father and uncles competed in tractor pulls with their tractor- The Heartbreaker). I was worried about the sci fi nerds (which, yesh, there comes a point in your life when it is not o.k. to dress like a jedi anymore [yes forty year old lady I am talking to you, and pointing and laughing]) but they were honestly the least of the problems I had. Granted most of them looked like they hadn’t seen the sun in years, and someone needed to point out that the middle of MGM studios is not the appropriate place to have a light saber battle, but they were relatively harmless. The rednecks were rude and they were everywhere.

The best part of the vacation was the presence of kids everywhere. Natural birth control. Not for me or my husband, for my mother. After being shoved, jostled, and having a child spit a mouthful of water on her leg she looked at me and said “you can wait as long as you want”. Music to my ears.

Like Crack, but more expensive.

2006-06-09T11:49:00.000-04:00

Tonight we leave on our annual "lets get the hell out of here before we tell people what we really think of them" vacation. In my little universe it is essential to escape for at least one week annually, even if it is only a few hours away, just to decompress.

How ever this year's vacation is what I am refering to as the "Walt Disney Extravaganza".

Zonkers, is this thing expensive. You would think a weeks admission to four theme parks, a weeks stay at a hotel, a weeks worth of meals (except breakfasts), complimentary transportation to the hotel and between parks, and airline tickets would be a little cheaper than the operating budgets for most African countries. I was expecting expensive, but not exclusive rights to Brad and Angelina's first baby pictures expensive. (Please note the references to Africa and Brangelina, that's right folks I am very hip and up to the minute)

However we are going to have a great time despite having to live on Ramen noodles when we get home. I love Disney World, I have lost count of how many times I have been there and frankly it never gets old. Unfortunately the first park I get to go to will be MGM Studios. It is the last day of the annual Stars Wars Weekends at MGM and my husband=big dork. So on Sunday I will be surrounded by approximately 7 million drooling sci fi nerds who are busy debating the importance of the color of Mace Windu's light saber and wether or not George Lucas did the prequels for money or because of his overwhelming passion for the story of Luke Skywalker. That friends, is true love.

You will watch Bewitched and you will like it.

2006-05-12T09:58:00.000-04:00

Tonight is the end of NBC’s The Office and My Name is Earl for the season. Thru Tivo I have managed to watch every single episode this year of both shows which I feel has improved my overall quality of life. Tivo is awesome. I love Tivo. Do you have Tivo? You must get TIVO. NOW. Or Ti-Faux, whatever you prefer.

My husband and I are admittedly couch potatoes. We watch T.V. while eating dinner and to relax in the evenings. Tivo has vastly improved our t.v. experience though. We no longer have to sit thru commercials or try and figure out what a character said. Nope, thank you fast forward and rewind. We can pause live t.v. for phone calls. It is fantastic. We are late comers to the Tivo temple, but I am still trying to figure out how we survived childhood without it.

The best part of Tivo is the suggestions list. This is what Tivo thinks you would like to watch, not actually what you would like it to record. Tivo cruises around the channels all day and lovingly picks out shows that, based on previously watched and recorded programs, it thinks you would like. It is so fun y'all. The things this electronic box thinks I would like watch... well sometimes it is spooky dead on and sometimes not so much. These shows generally fall into three catagories.

Cool, I didn’t know that was on.
This usually includes movies that I like and Tivo somehow knows that I wanted to watch and haven't seen in awhile like Harry Potter or The Aviator. And old episodes of Iron Chef (love).
Take it or leave it.
This includes Dharma and Greg reruns and random sitcom episodes that I sometimes get nostalgic for.
What the Hell ?!?!
This includes MDX (a Japanese game show), the Dukes of Hazzard ( I watched it once on pay per view ). And a lot of America’s Funniest Home Videos which it insists on recording despite the three thumbs down I give it.

So to sum it up Tivo=Love.

P.S.- At some point in this venture I may average more than one post a month. Maybe.

The Worst Sunday of the Year

2006-04-24T15:26:00.000-04:00

So.

This Sunday was... hectic to say the least.

It actually all started Saturday after going to dinner with friends and I consumed two fruity drinks and later while watching a movie at their home, a glass and a half of wine.

After we left their house and went home I proceeded to fall off the couch. I took this as my cue to go to bed. At about 12:30 my husband came to bed. This triggered what I will be referring to as the three hour barf fest of fun. I will not be eating Japanese for awhile. I can’t figure out what happened. I have certainly had more to drink with less, shall we say, spectacular results. I came to the conclusion that Syrah and pineapple juice do not like one another and it was a fight to the death in my stomach.

So when I got out of bed on Sunday (at 8:30 because we were meeting my mom for breakfast) I felt fine. I ate breakfast, great, and then I wanted to go to our local green house for some plants. Closed until noon on Sundays. So we went home. I started doing chores, my husband planted the garden. Meanwhile, upstairs, my evil devil cat knocks over and breaks a picture frame in the office. Cue me walking into the office and DIRECTLY ONTO BROKEN GLASS. Now I have bleeding hole in my foot with a half an inch long shard of glass sticking out of it. Lovely.

Time to cook diner. Yummy Roast beef. Or at least it would have been if I didn’t have the thermometer set to Celsius and not Fahrenheit like it should have been. Approximant temperature when I figured this out was 220 degrees Fahrenheit. This equals a dryness factor of sand. That was the driest beef I have ever, ever eaten.

Walk into the living room to watch TV after dinner, my evil devil cat has knocked off and broken my flying pig knick knack. It is broken in such a way it is now pretty much broken forever, no super glue can put it back to its former glory.

I hope today is better. I may just spend it in a fetal position under my desk.

How do I love thee?

2006-04-12T13:53:00.000-04:00

Since Lent is almost over and I failed miserably at giving up something, anything for it I thought I would list out all my guilty pleasures. Maybe by this time next year I will develop some self control and be able to actually give up one these things.

1.)Cherry Cake Double Take and Strawberry Shortcake Sensation from Cold Stone.

2.)Mushroom and Swiss Burgers from Hardee’s (like a Carl Jr’s but on the East Coast).

3.)Italian Subs from WaWa.

4.)Anything from Panera Bread.

5.)Coach Purses, actually anything from Coach.

6.)Trashy Celebrity magazines like InTouch or US Weekly (a step above Star but far below People) and the Bricks and Stones Blog.

7.)Yummy Cheap wine that tastes like grape juice and would probably remove nail polish.

8.)The television show Charmed (big dork I know).

9.)Missdoxie.com, Nothingbutbonfires.com, thenest.com, televisionwithoutpity.com, spoilerfix.com

10.) Flip Flops

Duck, Duck.... Oh shit.

2006-04-11T13:33:00.000-04:00

First of all let me say that this post violates one of the basic rules I set for myself when I started this blog. I did not want to in any way, shape or form mention work. I enjoy my job and would enjoy keeping it.

That was of course before I was chased by a goose at work.

Now if I were a zoo keeper or a goose rancher/wrangler this would not an out of the ordinary experience. But since I am neither of those things, it was a bit of an odd day at work.

I am still not going to say what I do for a living, you will just have guess. I will say I work for a government agency and my job requires me to go into all kinds of places and settings; private and public, indoor and outdoor. Yesterday happened to be outdoors. At a place that not only had geese but ducks, roosters, chickens, turkeys and an emu. Oddly enough this was not a farm or a petting zoo. I was really nervous about getting spurred by one of the roosters but they did not bother me. How ever I did invoke the Wrath of the Geese.

Geese get angry when they think you are invading their turf (in this case a puddle they had decided was a lovely little piece of real estate). Since I grew up in the country I can recognize an angry goose (just one of my many skills) and immediately high tailed it back to my car. The damn thing just waited patiently for me to get back out and chased me back into the car. We did this for awhile. I think it was laughing at me. Eventually I outsmarted it by circling a building and finished my job. That was the highlight of my day. I know you are all jealous that you did not get chased by a goose.

Do not take the goose lightly, they can be very aggressive and that beak hurts a lot when it chomps down on you arm/leg/other sensitive body part. So here is my public service announcement for the day. When you see a hissing goose, run.

Y'all are actually reading this stuff.

2006-04-10T16:31:00.000-04:00

Oh my god, I step out for awhile and I get people who actually read my page?

Sorry for not posting for awhile, things got hectic. I just found out my aunt is finally losing her battle with breast cancer and boy does that suck in the biggest way. Basically on top of losing my father we now have to say good bye to a wonderful lady. Way to kick us while we are down.

On a positive note, my best friend finally got engaged on Friday, so yay I get to be a matron of honor. How old does that sound? And by the way, his mother was asking for grandchildren within two minutes of proposal. I think that is a new record.

I will post more later, promise.

Torn bindings, tattered covers- Part Deux

2006-02-10T15:18:00.000-05:00

Exciting, I have comments again. I love that people I don’t know actually ready what I have to say and respond. I can’t even get my friends to listen to me sometimes and they are my friends so really they are under a contractual obligation. You people are not, so love and kisses to you.

In response to my two (two!) comments.

I too have read Freakonomics and found it pretty thought provoking. The whole section on children’s names had me contemplating what I would name my not yet conceived children (I am nothing if not planner) so they did not turn out to strippers (not that there is anything wrong with that) or short order cooks at Wendy’s.

As for the Rachel Ray cookbook, most of the recipes are very easy but she writes exactly the same way she talks. I could have lived with seeing YUMMO or Delish in print. Probably very happily and for a very long time. Also, she doesn’t like to measure so that frustrates me to no end, I was science major damn it and I require exact measurements.

I would love to join a book club but the area in which I live is not exactly cosmopolitan. A book club would require the population at large to read something other than Playboy and Good Housekeeping. So book clubs with Wine and Hummus are probably not in existence or they are forced to meet in shady back alleys so no one knows that they are doing intellectual type things (Reading? No we weren't reading, we were just on our way to the dirt track and we were attacked by books).

Side note- Wine is just finally starting to catch on around here. Seriously. Most of our friends look at my husband and me like we have two heads for drinking wine instead of Budweiser (of course he still drinks Budweiser, we own stock in it). When we went on our honeymoon I decided it was time for us to act like grown-ups and try drinking big people drinks. Now we own a wine refrigerator, you can’t say we don’t commit.

I could discuss book topics with my cat; he has recently taken to opening my books and RIPPING out chunks of the pages which is probably the cat equivalent of reading. He seriously tore an inch long gash in my book last night and put little fang marks around the page. And what was the book doing you ask? Stalking him and making threatening gestures no doubt! Nope, it was just lying there open, innocently, and then…oh the horror.

Torn bindings, tattered covers

2006-02-08T16:02:00.000-05:00

Books I Have Recently Read…

Carpe Demon
Cell (newest Stephan King)
Can You Keep a Secret?
Saving Fish from Drowning
Rachel Ray 360, No Repeats (A cookbook but it counts)
Honeymoon
All the Shopaholic books

Boy do I miss college. I would actually read books with meaning and get to discuss them with other semi-adults. We would convince ourselves we had figured out the deeper cosmic meaning of the book. I read a lot of books during college (mostly due to my honors program and its five or more books per semester syllabus) and they weren’t necessarily books I would have chosen off the shelves at Barnes and Noble. But like all good books (and most of these were good books) they imparted ideas and points of view that I probably would not have been introduced to in my little corner of the world. I grew through those books.

The books I listed above, are not really growth experiences but rather chances to transport myself somewhere else. I can escape to a new reality, a new corner of the world through these books and that in its self is valuable. Sure they aren’t literary masterpieces but they do help sooth my troubled mind.

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

2006-02-02T14:09:00.000-05:00

My husband is getting ready to leave for Fairbanks, Alaska and a teeny, tiny little part of me is ready to pack his bags for him. I love him, I will miss him, but I am a loner by nature and enjoy my privacy.

The house stays cleaner, the electric bill is lower, and I don’t have to prepare food for him so I can pretty much live off of salad and microwavable meals. I can watch the t.v. programs I want to watch, and the movies I want to watch. The worst part is being alone at night and not having anybody to talk to.

He travels for work once or twice a year, usually for a month or so at a time and its never any place nice or accessible. He has been to Fairbanks, Micronesia, and Norway (actually a little island off the coast of Norway that is closer to the North Pole than he would have liked). He is usually more miserable than I am.

I think what bugs me most about him leaving is other people’s reaction to him leaving. Like I will forget to breathe, bath, or feed myself if he leaves. I get a lot of “What will you do”, “We’ll just have to keep you nice and busy”, “I would just die if my husband/boyfriend/pet monkey went away for that long”. Honestly I am a grown woman people; I will do what other grown women who do not have a husband/boyfriend/significant other do. I will get along and if I need help I will ask for it. Sheesh.

Actually what I do when he is gone is shop for things I want for the house. Things he would normally tell me were too expensive suddenly become reasonable to him. When he goes away he is much more likely to agree to large purchases by phone. Apparently working for ten to twelve hours a day seven days a week wears down the defenses. Not that I would take advantage of that by ordering a large oriental rug from overstock.com or anything. No not me. That would be evil and wrong.

That’s why I plan on ordering the matching rug for the dining room.

It's 2006 not 1906, give it a rest.

2006-01-24T13:09:00.000-05:00

As soon as that diamond band was slipped past the knuckle on my ring finger, I could hear the shift in the minds of the guests present at my wedding. It was audible, like a revolver cocking and echoed through the sanctuary resoundingly.

“So when are you two going to start having babies?”

Oh dear lord.

By the reception it seemed to be the question on everyone’s mind, the hot topic of the day. We had been married two hours and suddenly we were supposed to be doing our part to contribute to the over population of the planet NOW. Apparently I had become a walking talking uterus in a big white dress. Only my grandmother told us to take our time and just be married for awhile. She got married at sixteen and didn’t even get a chance to finish high school and of course started her family at a very young age. That was the way things were back then in a rural community. But times they are a changin’.

But apparently not changing enough.

I am still expected to become a mother in short order, people are starting to get antsy. We hear the question at every family gathering, when we go out with our friends, from co-workers. If I get sick or feel under the weather the first question on people’s minds seems to be “Is she pregnant?” If we say we have news or invite several family members to dinner at the same time people think it will be to announce THE ANNOUNCMENT. It is if I have only one purpose in life now that I am a wife. My identity as a person (a good, quirky, sort of funny, sort of smart human being) is now overshadowed by my identity as wife and POTENTIAL BABY BREEDER. I don’t think this is a unique situation either. I am pretty sure that all over the world right now women are having their personalities and self worth eclipsed by their empty wombs and future fruit of said womb.

Don’t misunderstand me, I will have kids. I do want kids. After my father died the yearning for someone to fill the void he left was very strong and it’s still there. But it’s just still not the right time. Not right now.

We have now been married for a year and six months and are indeed just enjoying being married. We can laze around the house or stay in bed till noon. We enjoy full nights of sleep. We go where we want when we want and do what we want. No babysitters to line up, no parental guilt over leaving the little beastlings, no diaper bags to lug around. The most we have to worry about is finding someone to walk our dog if we are gone for the weekend (the cat is pretty much self sufficient for a short periods of time) and I think I like it just the way it is right now.

What do you mean you did not roast me a pig?

2006-01-20T11:41:00.000-05:00

What did you do today?

This is question that is fraught with peril for my husband.

I stayed home sick yesterday and when he called at 3 in the afternoon this is the question he drops on me.

Now in his defense, I am sure that he meant it in a general way but my mind immediately translated it to “Have you cleaned, done laundry, fixed me dinner wench?” And I lost it. A little.

I immediately shrieked “I’m sick, what do expect me to do?” and got pouty, very very pouty. In response to this tactic he panicked, backpedaled, then got petulant, very very petulant. He wasn't accusing me of anything or in anyway implying that he thought I should be preforming a marathon cleaning session. This is how arguments start kiddies.

Welcome to married life.

Why don't you just pull out my fingernails?

2006-01-12T10:29:00.000-05:00

Someone examine my head.

No, really, I think I need a psychiatric evaluation.

Why?

Oh so glad you asked. Please reference earlier entries about my unfinished upstairs bathroom and giant hole in my dining room ceiling. Now imagine those little projects 99% done. Now imagine that in a moment of weakness I agreed to use our tax refund to put in a new kitchen.

Yes, now that you mention it, I am insane.

See the bathroom is almost done, it still needs a few baseboards, window treatments, and the fan/light combo installed over the new shower. The dining room is sort of almost done, it still needs the replacement windows put in, a section of baseboard replaced (see a theme?), another coat of paint on the trim, some drywall replaced, a decorative paint finish on the walls, the paint splatter cleaned off the floor, and window treatments. Oh and some artwork for the bare walls. But it’s come a long way baby.

This room had water damage on the ceiling, lime green trim (yes lime green trim) and a dark green almost black pinstripe around every piece of trim in the room. For your information it takes at least five coats of primer and three coats of finish paint to cover up a dark green pinstripe and two coats of paint to cover lime green trim. Don’t ever do that. Ever. If I find the previous owners I will kill them and it won’t be quick. Or painless.

So with these projects in a nearly done state it is only logical to start planning our next avenue of attack on the house from hell. Knowing how much it bothered me to have two rooms I barely used out of commission (for half a year) I of course decided to let my husband rip apart my kitchen. Which I use every day.

Please send Prozac or Valium or at least a case of good quality wine. I am going to need it.

So I woke up and my liver was next to me crying....

2006-01-06T08:46:00.000-05:00

New Year'e Eve was fun (as always). But over the last year I have graduated from the fruity, girly malt drinks (like smirnoff twist and bacardi silver) and pina coladas to more hardcore alcholic type drinks (martini's, copious amounts of wine, shots, whatever). I now am the owner of a wine fridge, a rabbit corkscrew (must. open. wine. faster.), my china cabinet contains no actual china but rather a large supply of premium liqour, and I have several cocktail shakers. It's like James Bond moved in or something.

So this new years eve I downed several (three, four, who's counting) martinis, a mojito, and a couple of shots and woke up the next morning feeling fine. Absolutely a o.k. On four hours of sleep (yes I went to bed at four a.m. and woke up at eight a.m.).

Uh oh. Normally putting that much liqour into my body means major hangover and a slightly later wake up time. Keeps me in check and makes me not want to do that again for awhile.

My alcohol tolerance has reached a new level which means it may be time for me to do a little detox, just a month or so of no booze. Just to let my liver take a little vacay.

Going to the Chapel....

2005-12-29T10:19:00.000-05:00

My best friend is getting married, hopefully by next December. She just doesn’t know it yet. Her boyfriend told my husband and me that he is going to propose this April and would like to get married next December, right after he turns thirty.

Oh goody. I looove weddings. Really I do. After planning my own I realized it can be a lot of fun, all the little details to make it your own. But then again I am a detail freak. Plus I have a ton of leftover ideas that didn’t fit into my wedding but I think suit her personality really well. But I will not take over the planning, this is her wedding. That should probably be my daily mantra. Obsessive compulsive that I am.

The hardest part is waiting for him to propose to her. I think I should probably limit my contact with her until then so I don’t pounce on her like a cheerleader on crack and spill the beans.

P.S. According to my comment meter, I have an actual person who viewed my page. Hi person who viewed my page. Welcome, can I get you some coffee? A cold beverage? What would you like? No wait, don’t run away.

Blah humbug

2005-12-22T15:39:00.000-05:00

Christmas sucks….

At least it does this year. I feel like I am seriously overwhelmed by everything I have had to do and all the family stuff and the cheer and fa lalalala.

That’s what happens when your father up and dies on you. Unexpectedly. Before the age of 50.

There’s a little portion of my psyche that I haven’t talked about on here yet. And since I seem to be talking to myself I probably don’t really need too. Let’s just sum it up in one statement.

Take everything you know about life and fairness and how the universe works and God and Karma and good and evil and chunk it out the window. That’s what it feels like afterwards. Like you are in some sort of tailspin, permanently, and sometimes you can pull out of it and sometimes you can’t.

I know it’s not very profound but it’s pretty much how I feel. Hopefully next christmas will be better.

My first...comments?

2005-11-07T11:57:00.000-05:00

I finally got my first comments and I am pretty sure they are fake. I will not be fooled into following a random link off into cyberspace. Hah. It’s a shame though, when I saw the counter at two (two people!) I thought someone may have stumbled onto my little corner of the internet and was actually interested in what I had to say. Guess not.

Anyway.

The bathroom nears completion, I can see the end of the proverbial tunnel. I do have a functional shower. That puts out water. That will get me clean. If the rest of the bathroom was finished that is. Yay. We painted the walls a beautiful deep blue. It should be serene. If it ever gets done.

Fix Me!!!!

2005-09-20T13:51:00.000-04:00

Have you ever seen that show “In a Fix” on TLC? I keep waiting for them to show up at my house and repair the ginormous hole in my dining room ceiling that my husband put there. It started as a small hole in July and now has reached mythological proportions. Through this hole you can see my upstairs bathroom or rather what will be my upstairs bathroom after the renovations are done.

If you own a home the word renovation should send a cold chill through your blood stream as you envision the disorganization and plain old chaos that comes from ripping out parts of your house and replacing them with newer, shinier parts. The end result is great, but I have to live there between the before and after pictures and it is really not pretty.

So why has there been a hole in my dining room ceiling since July you ask? Three reasons:

1.) Carnival- See below entry
2.) Slight miscalculation by dear husband on swiftness and ease of project. “Piece of Cake” my ass.
3.) McFarlins

The last reason may seem a bit cryptic but they are the people we bought this lovely 1942 fixer-upper from. If they had merely replaced the wax ring seal thingy under the toilet to fix the leak from it instead of patching over the water damage on the ceiling (thank you so much) we would not have had to deal with this now. But as we had to replace the wax ring, logically we had to replace the whole toilet and then we decided just to add a shower, new sink, and floor while we were at it. Now we are up to over a thousand dollars in cost with no bathroom and the aforementioned ceiling hole instead of a nine dollar wax ring and some new drywall on the dining room ceiling.

I love owning a home.

Community Service

2005-08-19T12:03:00.000-04:00

Where did I go for a month? Two word's- Fireman's Carnival.

My husband is a volunteer fireman and once a year we have the pleasure of helping to staff the volunteer carnival. That's right, I'm a carnie.

Think what you will but in the area I live in the people that visit the carnival are the ones of, well let's just say questionable intelligence. They are spending their weekly paychecks on cotton candy, french fries and ride tickets when they should be saving up for dental work or whatever medication they should be taking. One man actually visited my booth wearing handcuffs as an accessory. At least I hope it was an accessory.

Me...in a nutshell

2005-07-19T14:20:00.000-04:00

How does one start a blog?

Do you just jump right in; start yammering away about your issues?
Do you do a lengthy biography, detailing your life in excruciating detail?
Do you do a short biography and a short journal entry?

Directions would be nice.

I like directions for most things; I am not a fly by the seat of your pants kind of girl. I can be spontaneous but I still like to have a rough of idea of the direction in which the spontaneity is heading. I enjoy structure people, structure.

In my group of friends I am known as the planner. You know, the friend who somehow ends up coordinating everything while everyone else wanders around like a chicken with their head cut off. Movies, I dictate pick up times, dinner hours, and after movie plans. Camping, I figure out which campsites are the best, the menu, the activities and the like. Weekend trips, vacations, parties, you name it I inevitably end up planning it. I plan it because I like structure and can’t stand standing around. Someone has to take the wheel and steer.

Anyway back to the beginning of this blog.

I guess it’s my blog and I can start it however I please. No rules. Hmmm.

Well as you can tell by the title, I am a newlywed. My one year anniversary was two days ago. And as you can tell by the above paragraphs I am a little neurotic. This blog is my little spot to confess, to vent, and to spout off on anything and everything. If no one reads it that’s o.k. (well, not really but I can pretend to be blasé) at least I’ll get it off my chest before I develop that peptic ulcer I have been afraid of developing since I was twelve (that’s what being a neurotic person gets you, hypochondria).