Like Sand Through An Hourglass...

It is absolutely amazing how time manages to fly past you when you aren’t looking. My last post was in June and now, it is September. In the past few months work has picked up and my husband was out of town (Alaska again) and the annual fireman’s carnival took place. Busy, busy, busy. However I did get to play my favorite game at the carnival, one that never loses its appeal. It’s called “What the hell was she thinking?”. It always starts with a woman and usually revolves around her clothing choices for the evening but can include her choice of hair/makeup, boyfriend/husband, or lifestyle. The winner this year was heavily pregnant woman who was smoking. Like she hadn’t yet received the word from the medical community that this was bad for her unborn child. It is only written on every PACK OF CIGARETTES.

Dante's Missing Circle of Hell

When did Disney World get so…..rednecky?

I saw two families where every single family member had a mullet. Every single one. Two complete families.

The every single park was covered in a layer of redneck goodness. And not normal redneck. Like hillybilly, deep south, marry your sister redneck. And I know redneck, I come from a long line of them (seriously, my father and uncles competed in tractor pulls with their tractor- The Heartbreaker). I was worried about the sci fi nerds (which, yesh, there comes a point in your life when it is not o.k. to dress like a jedi anymore [yes forty year old lady I am talking to you, and pointing and laughing]) but they were honestly the least of the problems I had. Granted most of them looked like they hadn’t seen the sun in years, and someone needed to point out that the middle of MGM studios is not the appropriate place to have a light saber battle, but they were relatively harmless. The rednecks were rude and they were everywhere.

The best part of the vacation was the presence of kids everywhere. Natural birth control. Not for me or my husband, for my mother. After being shoved, jostled, and having a child spit a mouthful of water on her leg she looked at me and said “you can wait as long as you want”. Music to my ears.

Like Crack, but more expensive.

Tonight we leave on our annual "lets get the hell out of here before we tell people what we really think of them" vacation. In my little universe it is essential to escape for at least one week annually, even if it is only a few hours away, just to decompress.

How ever this year's vacation is what I am refering to as the "Walt Disney Extravaganza".

Zonkers, is this thing expensive. You would think a weeks admission to four theme parks, a weeks stay at a hotel, a weeks worth of meals (except breakfasts), complimentary transportation to the hotel and between parks, and airline tickets would be a little cheaper than the operating budgets for most African countries. I was expecting expensive, but not exclusive rights to Brad and Angelina's first baby pictures expensive. (Please note the references to Africa and Brangelina, that's right folks I am very hip and up to the minute)

However we are going to have a great time despite having to live on Ramen noodles when we get home. I love Disney World, I have lost count of how many times I have been there and frankly it never gets old. Unfortunately the first park I get to go to will be MGM Studios. It is the last day of the annual Stars Wars Weekends at MGM and my husband=big dork. So on Sunday I will be surrounded by approximately 7 million drooling sci fi nerds who are busy debating the importance of the color of Mace Windu's light saber and wether or not George Lucas did the prequels for money or because of his overwhelming passion for the story of Luke Skywalker. That friends, is true love.

You will watch Bewitched and you will like it.

Tonight is the end of NBC’s The Office and My Name is Earl for the season. Thru Tivo I have managed to watch every single episode this year of both shows which I feel has improved my overall quality of life. Tivo is awesome. I love Tivo. Do you have Tivo? You must get TIVO. NOW. Or Ti-Faux, whatever you prefer.

My husband and I are admittedly couch potatoes. We watch T.V. while eating dinner and to relax in the evenings. Tivo has vastly improved our t.v. experience though. We no longer have to sit thru commercials or try and figure out what a character said. Nope, thank you fast forward and rewind. We can pause live t.v. for phone calls. It is fantastic. We are late comers to the Tivo temple, but I am still trying to figure out how we survived childhood without it.

The best part of Tivo is the suggestions list. This is what Tivo thinks you would like to watch, not actually what you would like it to record. Tivo cruises around the channels all day and lovingly picks out shows that, based on previously watched and recorded programs, it thinks you would like. It is so fun y'all. The things this electronic box thinks I would like watch... well sometimes it is spooky dead on and sometimes not so much. These shows generally fall into three catagories.

1. Cool, I didn’t know that was on.
   This usually includes movies that I like and Tivo somehow knows that I wanted to watch and haven't seen in awhile like Harry Potter or The Aviator. And old episodes of Iron Chef (love).
2. Take it or leave it.
   This includes Dharma and Greg reruns and random sitcom episodes that I sometimes get nostalgic for.
3. What the Hell ?!?!
   This includes MDX (a Japanese game show), the Dukes of Hazzard ( I watched it once on pay per view ). And a lot of America’s Funniest Home Videos which it insists on recording despite the three thumbs down I give it.
   

So to sum it up Tivo=Love.

P.S.- At some point in this venture I may average more than one post a month. Maybe.

The Worst Sunday of the Year

So.

This Sunday was... hectic to say the least.

It actually all started Saturday after going to dinner with friends and I consumed two fruity drinks and later while watching a movie at their home, a glass and a half of wine.


After we left their house and went home I proceeded to fall off the couch. I took this as my cue to go to bed. At about 12:30 my husband came to bed. This triggered what I will be referring to as the three hour barf fest of fun. I will not be eating Japanese for awhile. I can’t figure out what happened. I have certainly had more to drink with less, shall we say, spectacular results. I came to the conclusion that Syrah and pineapple juice do not like one another and it was a fight to the death in my stomach.



So when I got out of bed on Sunday (at 8:30 because we were meeting my mom for breakfast) I felt fine. I ate breakfast, great, and then I wanted to go to our local green house for some plants. Closed until noon on Sundays. So we went home. I started doing chores, my husband planted the garden. Meanwhile, upstairs, my evil devil cat knocks over and breaks a picture frame in the office. Cue me walking into the office and DIRECTLY ONTO BROKEN GLASS. Now I have bleeding hole in my foot with a half an inch long shard of glass sticking out of it. Lovely.



Time to cook diner. Yummy Roast beef. Or at least it would have been if I didn’t have the thermometer set to Celsius and not Fahrenheit like it should have been. Approximant temperature when I figured this out was 220 degrees Fahrenheit. This equals a dryness factor of sand. That was the driest beef I have ever, ever eaten.



Walk into the living room to watch TV after dinner, my evil devil cat has knocked off and broken my flying pig knick knack. It is broken in such a way it is now pretty much broken forever, no super glue can put it back to its former glory.



I hope today is better. I may just spend it in a fetal position under my desk.

How do I love thee?

Since Lent is almost over and I failed miserably at giving up something, anything for it I thought I would list out all my guilty pleasures. Maybe by this time next year I will develop some self control and be able to actually give up one these things.


1.)Cherry Cake Double Take and Strawberry Shortcake Sensation from Cold Stone.

2.)Mushroom and Swiss Burgers from Hardee’s (like a Carl Jr’s but on the East Coast).

3.)Italian Subs from WaWa.

4.)Anything from Panera Bread.

5.)Coach Purses, actually anything from Coach.

6.)Trashy Celebrity magazines like InTouch or US Weekly (a step above Star but far below People) and the Bricks and Stones Blog.

7.)Yummy Cheap wine that tastes like grape juice and would probably remove nail polish.

8.)The television show Charmed (big dork I know).

9.)Missdoxie.com, Nothingbutbonfires.com, thenest.com, televisionwithoutpity.com, spoilerfix.com

10.) Flip Flops

Duck, Duck.... Oh shit.

First of all let me say that this post violates one of the basic rules I set for myself when I started this blog. I did not want to in any way, shape or form mention work. I enjoy my job and would enjoy keeping it.

That was of course before I was chased by a goose at work.

Now if I were a zoo keeper or a goose rancher/wrangler this would not an out of the ordinary experience. But since I am neither of those things, it was a bit of an odd day at work.

I am still not going to say what I do for a living, you will just have guess. I will say I work for a government agency and my job requires me to go into all kinds of places and settings; private and public, indoor and outdoor. Yesterday happened to be outdoors. At a place that not only had geese but ducks, roosters, chickens, turkeys and an emu. Oddly enough this was not a farm or a petting zoo. I was really nervous about getting spurred by one of the roosters but they did not bother me. How ever I did invoke the Wrath of the Geese.

Geese get angry when they think you are invading their turf (in this case a puddle they had decided was a lovely little piece of real estate). Since I grew up in the country I can recognize an angry goose (just one of my many skills) and immediately high tailed it back to my car. The damn thing just waited patiently for me to get back out and chased me back into the car. We did this for awhile. I think it was laughing at me. Eventually I outsmarted it by circling a building and finished my job. That was the highlight of my day. I know you are all jealous that you did not get chased by a goose.

Do not take the goose lightly, they can be very aggressive and that beak hurts a lot when it chomps down on you arm/leg/other sensitive body part. So here is my public service announcement for the day. When you see a hissing goose, run.